Confidence

Two days had gone by since the big wind storm. I awake at midnight to a roaring in my ears. I heard the wind howling through the trees and whooshing through the window in the bathroom. Nothing in this little rock house is air tight and when the wind blows hard like that, it whistles loudly through the cracks. I thought about EmmaLou. She only just got the courage to use her shelter again. I climbed out of bed and grabbed a flashlight. As I open the back door, I am surprised to see both the Maremmas crowding to get inside nearly knocking me over in their haste.  The wind is worse than the other night, the gusts much more forceful. I can feel the dirt sandblasting my face through the open door, even though the wind is blowing from the West, in the opposite direction. It seems to whirlpool through places in the yard. I grab a flashlight and a jacket off the hook and step into some tennis shoes and go to check on EmmaLou in the howling wind and dark.

I find her cowering in the far corner of the corral again. I shine the light on myself, as I startled her and she cannot see that it’s me. With the roaring of the wind she couldn’t hear me approach. 

I take her by the halter and lead her towards the shelter to the second gate, which opens into our yard. She doesn’t want to go. I pull harder and she bolts fearfully through the gate, terrified of the shelter and the huge, heavy gate panel that stands next to it, which has already moved further than it had through the entire storm the other night, even though we had replaced it and propped another panel up against it as a brace. 

I turn the corner with her and open the door to the lambing shed. It’s small and it’s not windproof, as the door is made of heavy wire and the wind roars through it, but she will be safe from flying debris in there and there are no heavy panels to fall on her. She comes in with me, but she is fearful. As the roof has not been replaced on the shed, I have put up a small tent shelter inside to keep the sheep dry, should it rain or snow while lambing. The tarp on top of it rattles and the little shelter vibrates with the turbulent air. Emma snorts and jumps back. I pet her and try to reassure her. The wind is blowing against my back as I lean against the door to keep it shut. It requires a chain from the outside, there is no way to latch it from within. I find it difficult to keep my feet as the wind is blowing so strongly now. I move what I can out of Emma’s way, next to the goat stanchion. She continues her explorations. I step out and latch the gate. I look around the corner to see if the sheep are faring ok, and I’m horrified to see the heavy door panel laying down across Emma’s shelter, which I had just replaced. I wonder what the windspeed is, but I know its blowing harder than the other night. Much harder. 

I work my way back to the house, unseen things blowing past me and I can hear them as they batter themselves up on the rock wall, the fence and other objects of solidity. It’s a fearful night and there is little else I can do. I can only pray the animals will be safe, that the big trees in front will not fall upon our house and I content myself with the second half of a verse “...having done all, to stand.” It’s really about putting on the whole armor of God, and standing in spiritual battles, but I can feel it apply to me tonight, in my faith. 

The storm is not the real danger, the battle is in me. It is whether I will choose trust, or fear. Even as EmmaLou stands in the shed, with the wind blowing about her, she is safe there. Any missiles launched and aimed at her by this wind, will bounce off the walls of the shed that enclose her without doing her harm. If she can control her fear, she will be all right, as I have done what is necessary to her protection without halting the storm. The same is true in my life. If I control my fear and place my faith well, I too, will weather the storms. Whatever my circumstances, winning the inner battle is what will keep me safe. 

Groping through the darkness and against the gale, I finally arrive at the house, where the pups are happy to see me. Randyman is up, making sure I got back in safely. Amazingly, the electric is still on once again. I make a cup of hot chocolate and sit down at the laptop to record my thoughts. I sit warm, and cozy as the wind screams its threats outside. I know tomorrow it will be calm again, and for now, my heart is calm too. Any anxiety has blown away on the storm and the battle is won.

Once more dawn broke quietly. The violence of the night almost forgotten until we stepped outside. The large gate panel was all the way down on the ground, the enormous 24’  and 8’ high double gate panel also had been blown to the wall. Large trees had snapped at the base and horse trailers had been slammed into one another. The mirrors or our truck had been blown back and Randyman made the observation “How fast does the wind have to go to do that? I can drive 100 mph and not have that happen”.

you can see where this fence line USED to be...posts were taken right out of the ground

you can see where this used to sit

A 2-story building that was being carefully dismantled is now just debris

surveying the damage

Who knows? There were definitely hurricane force winds last nite, much more powerful than the previous storm a couple of nights ago.

No one was injured, animal nor human. Even the large trees that fell on the house closest to ours do not look as though they penetrated the roof. The couple who has been staying there is gone this week, so they didn’t even have to experience the terror of hearing the wind and tremendous noise of trees snapping and coming down on a metal roof .

My confidence was well placed, as I knew it was. 
However, I have had enough life experience to know, that even in the face of devastating loss and perhaps death, He is still good. But this time, He lets us celebrate.