LEFT BEHIND

The summer of '22 and winter of '23 were one of the worst. Both of our sweet Maremma Livestock Guardians died. First Mr Potamus, then only months later, his brother Bruno. On the heels of these losses, softened only by the fact that they were both elderly at 12, came the loss of Heath who was only 7 years old.

Since he was 8 weeks old, we have never been separated except when I was in surgery. We spent every living minute together. I had no idea he was sick, when a lump came up on his chest. Fearing it was a foxtail abscessing, I took him to the vet. A biopsy was done and came back as angio sarcoma. A rare and aggressive cancer. Three weeks later he was gone. I have never been so devastated. I would have given everything I have to have gone with him as the loneliness, the isolation, the hardship of not having his help, the loss of a being I loved so deeply and loved me back unconditionally was excruciatingly painful.

Knowing I could not cope with the isolation here unless I had a dog, at the very least, for company we began looking for a companion. Nothing can ever replace Heathen but I needed something living to spend my days with as I am utterly alone. I only see Randy in the morning while he eats and watches TV, and at night, while he eats and watches TV. The rest of the day I don't hear or see another living thing. Heath's breeder, and the breeder she got his mother from began discussing the situation with Heath. Coincidentally, she had recently repurchased a puppy that had not worked out in its home. He is a very active, highly intelligent, independent puppy. They felt he might make a Service Dog prospect for me so they pitched him and we made the 7 hr drive to pick him up. We enjoyed a too short time with my friend then returned home with Fen. Another oddity. I didn't name either dog. Heath and Fen are both habitats. Fen is a distant cousin of Heath. Fen was a little over 5 mo old.

Fen

Fen quickly began finding jobs for himself. He added a new cycle to the dishwasher, instead of prewash we now have a Fen cycle. I began to attempt to clean up the back yard. The water troughs I used as planters were filled with grass and as I would tug it out and shake the dirt off, Fen would grab another and violently shake the dirt off of his as well. I got a 6" chain saw and began cutting back the overgrown badly neglected rosebushes and he chewed on the canes. Anything to be of service, really. 

Aside from counter surfing and demand barking he didn't know an awful lot other than what his breeder, an amazing woman and a pillar of this breed, was able to teach him.  I began working with him and was surprised at how smart he really is.

It took no time at all for him to learn to hand me things. It took less time for him to realize if he stole something he knew I didn't want him to have, it was a guaranteed swap of treat for item. I awoke every morning to collect contraband on my lap.

He has a very sensitive nose. He can find a toy antler with rack wax on it anywhere, inside or out. I used that to teach him to find my phone and kindle by placing small pieces of tissue with a couple drops of EO inside the case.

He learned the basics of sit, down, stay is barely a concept with him, but TheMan has to have his hip replaced and the ortho wants his teeth worked over first so Fen's first outing was to a dental office. We spent a great deal of time laying on a mat or taking short walks. He actually did pretty well, going from barking at the first two people he saw, to ignoring people coming and going and paying scant attention to two very noisy children in the waiting room. On the way home, we got stuck in Jordan Valley for the night because of a traffic accident blocking the snowy roads.

The following morning we woke up to this:

Life with Fen has been interesting and a bit demanding. He is rarely quiet. But because of him I am forced into activity.  He cheers me up...

 Has helped me make soap to thank the many friends on FB who helped me survive Heathen's loss and donated to the cause so I could afford to buy Fen...

There HAVE been times we both thought I might strangle him...

He is the stealer of socks, neck pillows, tupperware containers, glasses and chairs...

He woke me up enough to finish embroidering my ballcap...

and encouraged me to clean the carpets...

We have done some canning,

and gone to the Dr together, where she was talking with her hands and Fen kept trying to give her a high five...

In 6 short weeks, he has learned to take off my socks and hand them to me, to find my phone and kindle, to pick up anything I drop or ask for by pointing, (I dropped both a flat canning lid and a credit card which he quickly picked up without being asked, as I didn't think it possible) to pick up and put his toys away with some help, to let himself out the back door as well as open and close the bathroom door for me when I am in a wheelchair, how to help me get clothes out of the dryer and a few other simple tasks. As I said, he is exceptionally intelligent and he loves to work. I do believe when he matures he will be a stellar Service Dog. 

I still grieve Heath, I still cry at night because I miss his presence. Fen isn't Heath, Fen is Fen and I love him for who he is, but there is still a void that cannot be filled.

It is going to take time.

I hope to do all the things with Fen this summer that I had planned to do with Heath, starting with riding again.

Til next time,

Petey aka Kim&Fen

 

Done. Here.

 Well, I painstakingly wrote a blog that was very difficult and painful for me to write, regarding the sudden loss of my Service Dog, Heath.

Google saw fit to delete and destroy the entire post, not even leaving me with a draft of it. As the pain in my hands is extreme, it is too great a cost to write again. I am pretty much done here with this.

THE HAPPY HEATHEN-The puppy days

 My last post was dark and depressing, and I ask your forgiveness for that.

I have finally sat down and pondered my life and realize I need to once again, live in an attitude of gratitude, in spite of my pain or circumstances.  God has been patient with me and for that I am grateful. His thoughts are higher than mine and His ways are higher than my ways. He keeps me on a need-to-know-basis as far as the "why" in my life, and apparently I don't need to know.

So the following posts will center around a critter God sent me, that has made life tolerable and kept me afloat through the dark times. 

To all of you who recommended an English Shepherd years ago, when I did the post about getting a new dog, I thank you. And to Jennifer Keuhn and Mary Peaslee, I owe you my deepest gratitude. 

When Heath (The Happy Heathen of Shepherd’s Way, named for his sunny disposition) first came home with us at 8 weeks, it was a 7 hour drive. He settled into my arms and never complained. He let us know he was very uncomfortable a few hours into the drive and we pulled over and took him out on his leash. He pee’d immediately. We were impressed. He never cried, not even that night. It was as if he instinctively knew, he was created, just for us.

I began his training right away, along with basic obedience. Using positive reinforcement and a clicker, after he learned to sit and lay down, I began teaching him to pick up his toys and give them to me. Then drop them. Then put them in his toy basket. Little did I know how helpful this would be to me in the future, as I was looking forward to having him help me with sheep and calves, not to be my service dog. He was and is, a very quick learner with a very biddable attitude. He loves to just be a good boy. At 12 weeks he was putting his toys away in the basket and learning to open and close the back door. 

Of course, during this time, he was also learning more obedience commands, and reinforcing what I had already taught him, never working more than two minutes at a time, but working several times a day. This suited him well, as herding dogs have a lot of drive and energy and need their minds kept busy. I never punished or spoke harshly to him, and he seemed to thrive on that. When he did something wrong, like biting or chewing on things, I would just tell him “you know you can’t do that” in a happy voice, hold him on my lap and let him teeth on the big knot to the shoestring I wore around my neck with the clicker on it.

The Maremmas would come in to visit and in terror of his little needle sharp teeth, would both hide on top of the ugly pink leather couch together, out of his reach. Once he was able to hop up there, they quit coming in for awhile.

 Once, Heath escaped my notice and made it to the back pasture where the sheep were. The Livestock Guardian Dogs, amazing creatures that they are, worked as a team to protect the flock and bring him back where he belonged. Mr Potamus got between Heath and the flock and Bruno sacrificed himself to deal with Heath. He engaged him and redirected him, bringing him back through the gate to me.

We had some meaty chickens that ran loose in the yard during the day. At night we had to round them all up out of the bushes, etc to put them in the shed. It wasn’t long until 3 mo old Heath was walking the chicks into the shed himself, one at a time. He enjoyed doing it and liked going out to check on them and watch them during the day.

There was one chick that had deformed legs, not unusual for the fast growing Cornish X, but not a big deal as we processed them at 8 weeks. I was surprised one day when Heath opened the back door, walked in and handed the chick to me, unharmed. Then he just sat and looked at me as if to say “fix it”. He brought the chick to me daily until we finally decided to dispatch it.

He was our chief rabbit herder as well, as many of them escaped the shelter we raised them in. He would either hold one down with his front feet, or if it was small enough, gently pick it up and bring it to me. We had a lamb born with a crooked neck that was unable to nurse. I have a disability that was beginning to manifest itself at that time so we kept the lamb diapered in the house so I didn’t have to go outside and find her, so I could bottle feed her. Heath nurtured her and slept with her.

One day when cleaning house, I heard a strange noise. I looked at Heath who was just laying in his crate. I heard it again. It was definitely not a noise a dog would make. I called him to me and the mystery was solved when he reached back, picked up a young bird he had found and brought it to me. He had carried it in himself and chose take a nap with it. For a herding breed, he is amazingly gentle.

He enjoys other animals, calves, ducks, rabbits, sheep, goats, chickens...

He has, from the very beginning, lived up to his name as a very happy, Happy Heathen!

Til next time, God bless you!

Petey & Heath

Feeling the Darkness

 It’s been awhile since I posted again. I know. I said I would try to be better, but I also said I have to be happy to blog. Believe me, you don’t want to be anywhere near the inside of my head when depression hits.

But today I am going to blog anyway.

Facebook has totally censored me again and I have NO ONE to talk to or listen to. If you recall we are about 4 hours from the nearest town, I have no friends here or neighbors to speak of, no phone service and now I am completely housebound with chronic pain.

I will come clean and share things no one actually knows about me. Or at least some of it.

I am an extreme introvert. I have zero self esteem. I am, to my detriment, an empath. I am unable to stand up for myself because it pains me to think about hurting someone else. Words cannot be unsaid. Actions cannot be undone. Sorry’s don’t heal you.

I thrived when I was in my element, training horses and kids. But being forced to give up my only real home, which also had my barns, arenas, etc. along with health issues took that away from me. Knowing I will never have a home again hurts a lot. The home I had was my dream home.

I don’t make friends easily. I am terrified of people and their rejection. I have lived with rejection from a parent, older siblings, a husband, a son & daughter in law, and a host of other people and that pain lives in me daily.

I have 2 sons. One does love me, the other could care less if I am dead or alive. At least that is my understanding as he hasn’t actually spoken with me in over a decade in spite of my many efforts.

My stepdaughters never much liked me and were always pretty demonstrative about it until the past few years where the relationship at least SEEMs to be better, to me..

I am lonely as hell with no hope of my circumstances ever changing.

Coming to know Christ was a big help to me 22 years ago, but since we moved here in 2007, there is no church, no bible study, no fellowship, for obvious reasons, so even that resource is gone to me. Oh, I pray but I don’t feel much relief from the agonizing loneliness.

So, I’ve been feeling pretty hopeless.

They are going to destroy the nerves in my lower back, finally, to give me some pain relief. Then we move on to seeing what they can do about my hip. My disease hasn’t given me much of a break. I’ve had both knees replaced and multiple other surgeries and have yet to have a period of time where I can actually make progress in gaining strength and gaining back the ability to do even the simplest of things I used to be able to do, but lost those abilities because of pain and weakness. Pisses me off no end.

I foolishly keep hoping because it’s what keeps me alive. That, my two biological granddaughters, their dad, and my honorary daughter/son/3 grands who shower us with love and acceptance. I’m walking a tightrope but they keep me tethered.

So, now you know why I don’t blog regularly or when I am not happy!

Best to you all,

Thanks for your time.

May God bless you richly.

LAST JUNE

I’ve been having problems with this site and off and on with my laptop so its been awhile. Over a year, really, and so much has happened. Somehow my page got stuck on html view so when I would work on it, it would post gobbledygook instead of what i was typing. I finally found the right button to fix it today.I have been stuck in the house, so have taken up new hobbies to keep me sane. Sewing, embroidery, and cross stitch, in addition to some of the other stuff I do, which I haven't been doing much of lately, but hope to soon. I have a stained glass project I've been wanting to start if i can find the right glass.

I had 2 of the grand-girls coming up last June. It was a long drive for them, spending 13 hours in the backseat with Heath. It looks as if it might have been a long trip for him as well 

 I  bought a new sewing machine, which I LOVE. I had given my old one to one of the older granddaughters who has been using it. We decided making the girls’ dad a BBQ apron would be a perfect gift from them.  I ordered some denim and taught them how to make the apron and they embroidered it as well.  I had spent the first couple of days here teaching them embroidery. Abby was ready to embroider everything and our new towels have very cute mushrooms embroidered on them now, as she was practicing on them.

She free hand embroidered a hamburger on his apron. I had them cut it out and taught them how to use the machine and they helped each other sew it up

I would really like to spend more time with them with the sewing machine as there is so much I want to teach them, but its hard when you live in different states and only see each other once or twice a year.

Abs helps Kinley with her stitching

During the week, they made sourdough cinnamon rolls and sourdough waffles, by request. It was so much fun cooking with them! We also made a pavlova, which is one of my favorite desserts. It's a huge meringue which is split then filled with whipped cream and berries. We have also filled with with french pastry creme in the past which is oh so good! 

Then we top it with more whipped cream and berries.

pavlova

TheMan can't help himself from licking the dasher from our homemade ice cream

Best waffles EVER

There was a lot of critter feeding and grooming. Mister developed a crush on Kinley so she held him while he had his feet done. She also groomed him several times which I know he appreciated.

 

Their Dad made it up, and there was a lot more critter feeding, they went to a branding on the ranch, and lots of quad riding and exploring. 

Cody and Fred, another story

 

They played cards and used my tumbled rocks as chips and took home a tumbler. They've been tumbling rocks ever since!

I'm hoping they will be here in the fall, if not sooner as the price of fuel has really screwed us out of visiting anyone. The drive to California and back would really set us back, but there is a deer tag here for Abby and she needs to fill it!

That's it for now, I still can't adapt to all the changes on the site and can't manipulate where my pics go anymore so I apologize for it seeming to be so long.

Hope you are all well!

Take care!

Petey (Kim)& The Happy Heathen

A Very Happy Heathen

 

Heath had a very epic day today. TheMan woke me up early to get dressed, so Heath knew right away we were going to go on a road trip. He bounced through the house, picking up his toys and bucking and hopping. He gets terribly excited over little things. I wish I was more like him.

He had to have his vest put on so he would ride in the back seat, because he really, really likes to sit on my lap, but I really, really don’t like him there when we are on the highway, just in case. There is no way to turn off the air bag and it would be very dangerous for him if it were to go off. He doesn’t believe me and has much more faith in TheMan’s driving than I do, having not been born yet when we’ve been in a few pickles.

We went to Burns for meds and breakfast. That’s a two hour drive one way. I got a Denver omelette because Heath always enjoyed the ham. He decided yesterday he no longer likes ham. He did enjoy half of the biscuit though, so he was happy enough. We ran a couple more errands, then headed for Nampa, ID where we do most of our shopping. That was an additional 3 hours one way.

Mostly we stayed in the ‘burb while TheMan ran ranch errands. Then Heath and I made a quick trip to a bush for Heath and a bathroom for me. He peeked under the door and kept an eye on my wheelchair while I used the facilities. He’s very helpful that way. It also tickled him that his doing so tickled a couple of kids that were also in the restroom. Heath adores kids of all kinds. When he sees any of the grands, he actually squeals. 

On the way back to the burb, he received several “He’s beautiful’s” and “what a gud boi” 's which of course, made his head swell. I took his vest off and let him just wear his new scarf that identifies him as an SD. He seems to like it much better as his vest shifts and makes him itchy and shake off a lot.

He slept under the desk while we had our taxes done then went to his favorite restaurant, Texas Roadhouse where he and I shared a rib steak. (No wonder he likes road trips!) After guilting TheMan out of his croutons and a few bites of his meat as well ( by setting his chin on the seat next to him and giving him sad, hungry eyes ) we headed to Costco which happens to be his favorite store, because lots of strange people give him “gud boi”s. He got an earful of them, and I know that HE knows they are talking about HIM because his tail always wags when they say it, although he looks straight ahead when they do. Sneaky little guy, pretending to be humble.

We were accosted just once, for not wearing a mask. I will refrain from sharing my thoughts on the subject which haven't changed since the beginning of the China virus to this day.

After leaving there, Heath snuffled in my ear to get snackies then he and I napped while TheMan ran a couple more errands for ranch stuff. We then we went to a car wash, for the first time ever, with the ‘burb. Heath was fascinated by the process and handled it so well, we went through twice. We then went to the dollar store and found a hedgehog for Heath. He takes very good care of his toys. He picks one out each time I get off the couch and carries it to the table or to the bedroom, and once a day he gets paid to pick them all up and put them back in his toy basket. It’s usually the highlight of our day. Yeah. That should tell you a lot about our normal day. *snort*.

Heath had been a gud boi all day, staying in the back seat without his vest, but at one point, we got our lines crossed and he sailed over the seat and up front onto my lap while we were on the highway. I told him to get in the back seat again. Instead of doing so, he turned to face me, put a paw on each side of my neck and burrowed his head in my shoulder. Dang. Not even a kid could work it this well. I ignored him for a few minutes, then again told him I wanted him in the back seat, so he begrudgingly crawled to the back and pouted.

Once we got to the ranch road home (which is 35 miles ) He nuzzled and asked permission to come up front. I conceded and he happily snuggled in and we slept together the rest of the trip home…and lived happily ever after.

contentment

God bless all and have a great day, week, month, whatever!

Petey and the Heathen

Edited out:

We went through the aisles one by one, got stopped by a worker who asked if the people at the entrance had given us masks. I told him they offered and to not  be angry with them as I had one.

 

I refuse to wear one, particularly one made in China. 

I did not tell him that, but I had taken mine off for multiple reasons. 

1) It makes me very claustrophobic to have something on, or close to my face

2) It makes it hard for me to breath 

3) breathing your own co2 isn’t healthy 

4) it’s untrue that it does anything to prevent spread of a virus 

5) I’ve had multiple surgeries with 70-80% chances of recovery so a virus with a 99+% chance of recovery doesn’t particularly concern me, even though I am in a high risk category having a suppressed immune system and 

6) My doctors are in a state that allows the actual CURES unlike Dem states like Nevada and California and others which made it ILLEGAL for Drs to provide HCQ which is part of the regimen which has had a 100% cure for those with early symptoms. I will leave you to ponder why the hell they would do that. Our President told us early in the outbreak about the efficacy of HCQ, when suddenly the MSM and Dem states began vilifying it as a dangerous drug (which many people have taken daily for decades without any issues, including our military) After Jan 20, 2021, that opinion was suddenly and rather quietly reversed. How many died because of the earlier fiction touted daily?

7)I trust God is in control and meant what He said when He told me everyday of my life was already written. 

8) The people in my family who got the virus were mask wearers.

9) 

I digress.

I showed the man my mask, and Heath and I rolled on.

Another lady in a wheelchair rolled up and stopped me to ask what the man said. I told her and she was incensed. She ranted awhile about how they had no right to tell people to wear them, particularly the disabled who often have problems which are exacerbated by them. I looked around at the warehouse full of healthy people wearing them, most likely thinking they were doing us a favor. It made me very sad. What else will they do unquestioningly because someone who is supposed to be a public SERVANT tells them to?

Again, I digress. Please forgive me. If you have a different opinion than myself, know you are welcome to it. You are free to wear a mask, a nylon stocking, a plastic bag or whatever else over your head that makes you feel safe. We are all free to make our own decisions. I believe those decisions should be based on personal research and common sense but there is nothing that says that's a requirement 

Some of you may be cheering while others may be choking over what I just said. Please, before going further, allow me to mention, I am isolated from all human companionship so my time is spent doing online research searching for answers as well as entertainment. I have NO outlet to vent my ideas or feelings, save here, on MY blog. As a Conservative (horrors to some of you, I’m sure) I don’t demand any of you agree with me, but I also won’t be bullied. 

There. God bless y’all. 

Again I digress. I think this might be an issue for me.

MEANDERINGS

 

It’s Easter. I watched a segment of Watter’s World and it was so disturbing, I have no words. The people he talked to had no idea what Easter was about, or anything about Jesus himself. We are living in a post Christian era. That’s not a scary thing for Christians, it’s a horrifying thing for those who aren’t. He will come for us, whether we believe in Him and accept His sacrifice or not. It just made me very sad. I know the difference He made in my own life, after living 46 years without Him. And this life is not the big deal. It’s the next one that lasts forever that matters most. My greatest wish is that my children and grandchildren follow Him, and my friends as well. I pray for them. That’s the best I can do. I complain about many things but I know I have more than I deserve, only by His grace.

I’ve much to be grateful for, not the least of which is my young granddaughter didn’t step on this beast yesterday when she was squirrel hunting.

TheMan vacuumed the house for me which is a HUGE deal as I can’t usually do it and the big dogs don’t just bring in big chunks of hair and mud, but leaves, large pieces of sticker bushes, tumbleweeds etc. and it remains on the carpets. It’s frustrating because they really don’t belong in the house, they belong outside with the stock, but since we have no stock, TheMan lets them inside. The Heathen sheds something awful on his own, so running the vacuum was a real blessing. I dusted what I was able while he did so, and worked on cleaning the kitchen and getting dinner for tonite made. That part took me most of the day but was easy.

We’re having a leg of lamb which is super simple to make. I make about 7 slits and put a clove of garlic in each. I rub a little mix of salt, pepper, thyme and garlic powder. Mixed with oil on the outside, then put it on a rack in a pan, in the oven at 375 to sear the meat. After 15 min, turn the. Heat down to 350, pour in a 1/2 cup of water in the bottom of pan, cover it and bake for 25 min per pound. The drippings I use to make gravy.

I got applesauce made this morning in the Instapot. It was the first time I made it that way, but it won’t be the last. I just peeled 6  Granny Smith’s with my much loved apple/potato peeler, tossed them in the pan with 3/4 c water and tsp of cinnamon, 3/4 Tbl of lemon juice, turned it on for 8 min. Did a pressure release and Tah dah!! Applesauce!

Lastly we made loaded cauliflower which is our new favorite. We do Keto on and off and this was our favorite recipe.

I got this awesome new tumbler. The first on we got, the motor burned out and it costs almost as much to replace it as to buy a new one. A wonderful friend gifted me a nice used Lortone which is one of the most popular you can buy, but it takes a month to do 3# of stones which isn’t many. We saved up and got this monster that I am absolutely in love with! He’s made in America, (as is Lortone) and is heavy duty and well put together. The best part? He holds 5x as many stones as the other one. It still takes a month but it makes me feel so happy to know a big batch of rocks is getting done. This thing is not going to break down like the cheap one we got at Harbor Freight that was most likely made in China. 

I had a very large Creeping Charley that hadn't been doing well. It was dropping a lot of leaves this year and the leaves were getting smaller and were not glossy. I decided to repot him so had TheMan carefully take him down and we painstakingly worked him out of the macrame hanger. He definitely needed a larger pot with better drainage so I put him in one and watered him in good to take care of any air pockets. We left him on the porch to drain while we both rested our sore backs and i found a pot saucer. 

When I got back out to get him, I found the Maremmas had been doing cat imitations and had knocked him off the porch.

Here's the before 

and after pics...

pitiful, I know. But if he doesn't grow back thriving, I will start another from cuttings as the plants keep outgrowing their spots and I have to keep pruning them...and being a waste not person I don't have the heart to throw out the cuttings so I keep starting more plants...

Now it's Tuesday. Monday was a wash because weather and exertion resulted in a ton of pain, so I never moved all day. Just laid here and moaned like a sick cow.

Today is better so I took Heath for another cruise with the wheelchair and we found 

A GEODE!!

Right there on the ranch road heading to the corrals. Never know what you might run across out here. Sadly the picture doesn't do it justice at all. You can't see all the sparkly inside. But its there, and it made me happy to find it.

Hope y'all have a great week/month or whatever until I get back to you!

Petey & the Heathen